Cats is so bad its good


CGI has always unsettled me, I find it terrifying. Frankly, it’s the reason I’ve never watched “Avatar”. So I can’t tell you why I let my family convince me to go see the new creation of “Cats”, but let me tell you I’m glad I did.

Now, don’t get me wrong the CGI did terrify me for about three minutes and then I completely forgot about the clearly human creatures acting so indiscernibly like cats because who cares how creepy things are when you’re watching a principal ballerina spin across screen. 

That’s where “Cats” changes from the realm of terrifying to extraordinary in one beautiful grande jete. Each cast member showcases a unique style of dance creating a beautiful kaleidoscope of choreography each style contrasting with the next. And it’s not like they are adequate dancers. No, they are amazing. Victoria, the main cat, is played by Francesca Hayward, a principal ballerina at the Royal Ballet. 

If you are not well versed in the hierarchy of the ballet, then let me tell you that it means she’s top dog. So basically you’re watching a woman who has worked her whole life to hone her craft and reach heights most only dream of on the big screen and what is more amazing than that?

Also, can we talk about how she can sing too? I was astonished she was graceful and beautiful and her voice was angelic. I mean it’s not the most refined and extraordinary vocals ever, especially when comparing it to the original Broadway version, but I’m still impressed she went out of her comfort zone and really proved herself.

Here’s the place I would normally talk about the plot of the movie but if I’m being honest, I’m still not really sure what happened. All I know is there was a bunch of cats competing through song and dance with the prize being a new life. And because no story is complete without a villain, a cat named Macavity who is apparently evil and catnapping competitors in hopes of taking the prize by default.

But that’s not the point. It was never meant to be the point and if you can’t realize that you will never be able to enjoy this masterpiece. After all, Andrew Lloyd Webber wrote the entire musical based off of poems and everyone knows that enjoyment does not come from understanding when talking about poetry.

You must simply accept that “Cats” will never make sense, and you just need to enjoy it for what it is: A group of horrifically talented people harmonizing and dancing to an ingenious score.

I couldn’t tell you what they were singing about and frankly, I didn’t care. Because I didn’t need to understand to connect to it.

All I know and all I care about is that the choreography, acting and singing were damn good and if you can’t pause and realize that then I feel sorry for you.

So stop stressing about CGI, you know what, just stop thinking. Go to “Cats” and realize it’s terrifying in the best way.