Another side of me

In the still hospital room, freshman Faith Morey’s heart monitor beeped in a steady rhythm while her mind raced with confusion.

She had attempted suicide earlier that day.

“That was the scariest point in my life,” Morey said looking down. “I was getting bullied at school and I was having a hard time just managing life I guess.”

Morey has struggled with the effects of bipolar disorder. Bipolar disorder causes extreme mood swings going between high and low emotions. These emotions go between manic, which is energetic and happy and depressive episodes in bipolar.

“The daily effects of bipolar depend on what type of episode the person is currently experiencing,” psychologist Lori Wilder said.  “So a person could have a ton of energy, no desire for sleep, very motivated and hyper-focused almost like a ‘superman’ or ‘I can do it all!’ attitude. On the flip side, a person could become depressed, have diminished ability to think or concentrate, excessive sleep, no interest in activities that would usually bring enjoyment, negative thoughts and suicidal thoughts.”

Morey was about nine when her parents started to become worried about her behavior.

“Faith’s rapid mood changes made me concerned and I just knew that it was something that needed to be checked,” Morey’s mother, Jennifer Peters said. “Also, her lack of interest in a social life also concerned me.”

Morey tended to stay in the comfort of her room.

“I was one minute balling my eyes out and the next the happiest person in the world,” Morey said. “At the time, I wouldn’t talk to anyone. I never went anywhere. I just played princess games in my room.”

This disorder that Morey experiences is shared by 2.6 percent of the American population. In our high school, that means that statistically, 52 people should have bipolar disorder. Yet many of us aren’t aware of all that comes with the disorder.

“Bipolar is not being someone who frequently changes their mind,” Wilder said. “It is so much more serious than that. When we choose to label a person in a careless way as ‘Bipolar,’ it can decrease the seriousness of the actual, real diagnosis of bipolar disorder and cause it to be seen as not serious, and lead people to not reach out for the help they need.”

Morey finds that one of her biggest challenges is her anger.

“If I get frustrated, I won’t be able to forget about it,” Morey said. “So I just dwell on it I until I break down.”

Morey’s best friend, freshman Caitlin Hemmes, realizes Morey’s anger can get the best of her sometimes.

“Faith and I have gotten into arguments, she misunderstood me and then it was heightened by bipolar,” Hemmes said. “But her personality is truly amazing, she is so thoughtful.”

Hemmes’s older sister and Morey got into fights where both said and did things they regretted.

“Caitlin’s older sister didn’t like me, it was a whole bunch of drama,” Morey said. “During the summer I broke her nose- I slammed her head against the wall. She hit me first, though. But I still feel bad about it to this day. Now we are really close, we started over. I believe in starting over.”

Wilder advises again against using bipolar as a label that defines a person.

“I don’t ever want someone to define themselves at their core as ‘depressed, anxious, or bipolar,’” Wilder said. “I believe that people are not defined by their circumstances, but who they are on the inside that makes each and every person unique.”

Hemmes agrees that you shouldn’t put a person with bipolar in a box.

“People judge people that are bipolar,” Hemmes said with frustration. “Faith gets judged a lot, I am a witness of people talking about her. They will talk about how she’s super happy and then pissed off and how she’s stupid for what she thinks. They’re just judging her for how she acts. If they actually got to know her and other bipolar people and understand what’s going on inside their brain, things will be better for everyone.”

Morey’s biggest motto is to be positive. It’s not always easy. She knows what it’s like to lose a grip on life, but she knows that positivity is the only way to survive.

“I give compliments everyday on little sticky notes because I know it’s awful to be feel bad about yourself and hide it,” Morey said.

Morey knows that bipolar can present everyday challenges, especially depending on the mood she is experiencing, but she also knows it contributes to who she is.

“If you ask me if I have bipolar, I’m gonna say yes,” Morey said. “I know I have it and I’m proud of it, you know? It’s part of me.”