Swain’s Train volume one

My Anaconda don’t…

My Anaconda don’t…

My Anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun

Oh my gosh, look at her butt

Oh my gosh, look at her butt

Oh my gosh, look at her butt

Look at her butt (look at her butt)

 From the song “Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj, 2014

And it’s whispered that soon, if we all call the tune,

Then the piper will lead us to reason.

And a new day will dawn for those who stand long,

And the forests will echo with laughter.

If there’s a bustle in your hedgerow, don’t be alarmed now,

It’s just a spring clean for the May queen.

Yes, there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run

There’s still time to change the road you’re on.

And it makes me wonder.

 From the song “Stairway To Heaven” by Led Zeppelin, 1971

Ah, music. The sonorous event between noise and silence. The most popular video on YouTube for one of these songs has compiled over 420 million views. The other one has about 67 million. Can you guess which view count goes to which song?

That’s right. “Anaconda” by Nicki Minaj is that much more popular than, in the eyes of many, one of the greatest songs of all time, “Stairway To Heaven.”

Now, I know that view count on YouTube doesn’t determine a song’s popularity. And I also know that everyone has a different taste in music. But compare the lyric excerpts from each song. One of them, played largely over choppy digital audio-sounding iPods, is seemingly fitting for young people nowadays to twerk to. The other, released at a time when much smoother, analog recordings from a record player were how most listened to music, speaks revelations about nature and salvation.

All lyrics aside, Led Zeppelin used drums, guitars, a bass, and raw talent as the foundation for their success. What does Nicki Minaj use? Machines that include simulated instruments and programmed beats.

I don’t have anything against Nicki Minaj, nor am I a wannabe Led Zeppelin groupie-maniac. But if I were the chief producer at a popular radio station and wanted to play real music, songs released in 1971 would greatly outplay those made in 2014. An annoying chorus sung by a bimbo rapper who uses sexuality to sell albums isn’t real music.

Maybe you think that modern pop about shaking your fat butt is more fulfilling than songs like “Stairway To Heaven.” Maybe it’s more beneficial for young people to hear Minaj’s take on women’s bodies than to hear that old crap made in the 70s.

Or maybe, a shift in the content of popular music over the decades has greatly contributed to the dumbing down of our society. People like to listen to what’s new and hot instead of what’s old and real. The discrepancies between 1971 popular music and 2014 popular music in style, message, and quality are unsettling. Everytime “Anaconda” plays, the world gets just a little bit dumber…and it’s is being played often.

“And it makes me wonder.”

As a citizen of the greatest country on earth, you’re allowed to listen to whatever music you please. If “Anaconda” comes on at Prom, then by all means, dance away. Just please don’t stoop down to a level where you consider it real music.

Picture yourself in 30 years, hearing music blasting from behind your daughter’s bedroom door. You open the door and she’s taking a video of herself twerking on the wall to “Anaconda.” Then you wake up from the bad dream. You realize that she’s actually sitting on her bed, laughing with her friends, with “Stairway To Heaven” playing in the background. Pat yourself on the back, because you did at least something right.

“Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there’s still time to change the road you’re on.”